By TORI SKENE, January 30, 2018, SoberNation .com

What does self-love even mean? When I got sober, I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror. If there was such a thing called self-love, it didn’t exist in me. During my first year of sobriety I heard all these coined phrases over and over again. “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself,” or “you really ought to love yourself more,” and then there was always, “once you love yourself everything else will fall into place.” I think if one more person told me to go “love myself,” I would have vomited. When I thought of self-love I immediately went to cucumber masks and bubble baths and manicures and pedicures, but boy was I wrong.

I started to think back. I was always taught to care for others and to put their need’s before myself. Was self-love conceited? What would other’s think of me if I was devoting more time to myself? The problem is that we’ve been taught for a long time that if we’re not constantly working hard or taking care of others, we’re being selfish.

However, through time, patience and lots of unnecessary self-hatred, I’ve learned that self-love accompanies living well. It cannot be put into a box or bought in a store. It cannot define itself as eyelash extensions or a new haircut. A new relationships can’t make you love yourself more, in fact, it can do quite the opposite. Even if we land the best partner on the planet, this person won’t be able to make us happy and feel loved unless we create the space for it inside by practicing self-love. This is why self-love is an inside job.

Self-love grows from actions that support our growth. It is accepting our weaknesses as well as our strengths. It is having compassion for ourselves as we continue to grow and find our life’s passions. Self-love is not a destination or a singular event. It is a practice that requires time and patience with ourselves. It can be the foundation on which we build a happy and stable life.

7 Steps To Self-Love

Pay Attention To Your Thoughts

I find that when I feel my lowest, my mind is bombarded with the most-self deprecating thoughts. I found that I am so darn mean to myself. “You’re a failure.” “You will never amount to anything in life.” “Nobody will ever love you.” If someone else isn’t allowed to say those things to me, then why should I be able to say those nasty things to me? Imagine if someone said to a kid what you say to yourself? It would be terrible, right? I can start to counter-act these thoughts. After all – they aren’t true! “I am successful.” “I am living up to my full potential everyday.” If I start counting how many of these thoughts I have a day, the number is sure to go down.

Support Is Key

Those “friends” you had in your using days? I hate to break it to you, but they weren’t friends. They were using buddies and you may need to ask yourself if they will really...

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[CURATED CONTENT: Written By TORI SKENE , Published: January 30, 2018

- originally published on SoberNation.com]

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